What You Can Control in a Toxic Workplace

A toxic workplace can make you feel powerless. If you're not the boss, you can't fire anyone, rewrite the culture, or direct an employee to stop their bad behavior. It would be easy to throw up your hands and conclude that you're stuck.

I don't buy that. You may not have authority, but you always have agency. Those aren't the same thing. And having agency means you have options even if you're not in charge.

Here's where I'd start.

Get clear on your values first

A while back, Michelle coached a young woman who was miserable in her job. She worked in a situation she had decided was toxic and she didn't know what to do. Michelle thought they'd be talking about her client's next move. Instead, they hit a wall, because the client couldn't describe what she valued.

You can't make sound decisions in chaos if you haven't decided what you stand on. So before you plan anything, get clear on what's important to you. Write it down. Maybe it's integrity, respect, courage, grace. Michelle's word is peace. She's been through enough drama in her life that she doesn't want more of it, and that one word helps her decide what to say yes and no to.

Set boundaries that govern you

A boundary isn't a rule for other people. You can't tell someone they're not allowed to talk to you a certain way, because you don't control them. People will sometimes talk to you in ways you don't like, and you can't stop that.

Here's what you can do. Say, "If this conversation gets disrespectful, I'm going to end it, and we can pick it back up when we're both calmer." And then do it. That's a boundary. It governs what you'll do, and you can enforce it.

Don't join the toxicity

When someone pokes you, you want to poke back. So do I. It's human nature. But you can't gossip about the gossiper or sabotage the saboteur without becoming part of the problem.

Michelle once worked in an environment with real bullying. She eventually left, but she says what she's most proud of is that she never responded in kind. Don't let someone else's behavior goad you into becoming someone you never wanted to be.

Address what can be addressed

Some things you can act on. Have the difficult conversation with the coworker. You can do that. Just use some skill and finesse. Don't ambush them with accusations. Ask for a time, stay calm, and give them room to save face. Talk about a specific behavior, not a label. "You always" and "you never" are sure to start a fight. "When this happened, here's how it affected my work" has a chance to start a productive conversation.

If it needs to go further, use the proper channels and document what happened, factually and without emotion. Dates, events, effects. Calm, specific records are far more credible than heated ones.

One exception: if harassment, discrimination, or safety is involved, don't start with a conversation with the coworker. Go straight to HR or the appropriate authority, and skip levels if you have to.

Recognize what you can't control

Here's the unpleasant truth: You can't make someone change. You can't make your organization act. At some point you'll need to ask yourself a hard question: is staying here consistent with the life and values I say I want?

Sometimes the answer is to leave. That doesn't mean quit tomorrow. Bills are real, and I'd rather see you leave with a plan than without one. But you still have a choice, even when every option is hard.

The takeaway

You may not get to change the workplace. You do get to decide who you are while you're in it.

And if you lead a team, read this twice: once for yourself, and once for the people who work for you. Someone on your team may be working through this list right now.

If you're wondering whether your own culture is healthy, we'd be glad to talk it through. Book a free discovery call.