More Than Just Grit: Three Pillars of Resilience

What comes to mind when you think of grit? For me, I think of someone finishing up the final moments of a hard workout. Maybe completing that last rep on the weight bench or the last sprint of a spin class.

We admire people who have grit. The ones who are somehow able to find that little bit of extra capacity when the going gets tough. The ones who can suck it up and push through. And we should admire them.

But grit has a limit. It’s short-term. Sure, that last bit of effort is hard, but it’s over quickly. Lots of people bow up and finish the last 30 seconds of their workout every day. But nobody can gut it out like that for six weeks. Leading through hard seasons is more like a marathon than a sprint. It can last months or even years. And it takes something different: resilience.

Here’s what I’ve come to believe. Resilience isn’t something you muster when trouble shows up. It’s something you build before it does, on purpose. In her book Rules of Resilience, author Valerie Burton describes it as resting on three pillars.

1. Adaptive skills: what happens inside you

Adaptive skills include your mindset, your self-talk, and how you handle your own emotions. And they are skills, not talents, which means you can work on them.

I’ll confess that negative self-talk is something I’ve fought for years and still fight daily. When one of those thoughts shows up, I have to catch it, name it, and swap it for something truer. It doesn’t happen by accident, and it hasn’t been easy.

The related work is handling my emotions. Something triggers me, and my instinct is to respond like I always have. But Michelle put it well recently: emotions are indicators, not dictators. They tell me something but they don’t get to decide my next move. Taking a three-second pause when my emotions run high helps me choose whether to dump gasoline on the situation or grab a water bucket and move on with my day.

2. Protective resources: what you can draw on

Resources are built over time. Relationships, education, experience, savings. None of these show up when you need them. You can’t withdraw from a friendship you never made deposits into.

Experience works the same way. Experience alone doesn’t teach you much, but evaluated experience does. If you’ve reflected on what you’ve been through, you have a playbook to pull strength from.

3. Preventive choices: what you decide before the crisis

Healthy habits and smart boundaries lessen potential stressors. Keeping a budget and saving for a rainy day. Taking a daily walk. Establishing clear lines in your relationships.

Predeciding takes the pressure off the moment. You’re not negotiating with yourself when you’re tired and stressed and prone to make a bad deal. You already decided.

The takeaway

Stress is coming for every leader. You don’t get a vote on that. What you do get is a say in whether you’re ready.

So here’s a question worth considering this week: which pillar is your weakest? If you’ve never built the habit of examining your own thinking, start there. If you’re running thin on relationships or reserves, that’s your answer. Pick one thing to do about it, and do it before you need it.

If you’d like help working through this as a leader or with your team, book a free discovery call.