Like is Not Mandatory for Leaders, Respect Is
Teacher's pet. Like most cliches, it became one for a good reason. Almost everyone can relate to the idea of that one person in the class—or any group—that does all the right things and, consequently, becomes the favorite of the leader. They show up on time, never make waves, suck up to the boss, and do whatever they can to make him or her look good. And because they're so easy to manage, they always get the benefit of the doubt.
And then there are others who… how shall I put it… are not so easy to manage. Maybe they miss deadlines or need more hand-holding. Maybe they’re slow to embrace change and push back on every decision. Maybe they're free-thinkers or contrarians, more likely to play devil's advocate than fall in line. Whatever the reason, these folks tend to get the short end of nearly everything: attention, patience, opportunity.
Most of us have seen this dynamic play out in the workplace. If not as a participant, at least as a third-party observer. And if you happen to be a leader, it's worth asking whether you've ever slipped into a version of it yourself.
Liking and Respecting Aren't the Same Thing
It's a natural pull. Some people are just easier to lead than others. They come prepared, don't cause friction, seem eager. And if you're honest, you probably enjoy leading those people more than the ones who complicate things, slow you down, or challenge you at every turn.
Michelle shared a conversation she came across recently between Brené Brown and Adam Grant that reframed this for her. Adam was talking about the idea that a good leader has to like everyone they lead. He tended to accept it as true — until his daughter challenged him on it, comparing it to a teacher having favorite students. Her question stopped him: does a leader actually need to like everyone, or does something else matter more?
That something else is respect. You don't have to like everyone you lead. But you do have to respect them — every one of them, all the way down to the person currently getting on your last nerve.
Leadership Starts With a Belief, Not a Technique
Leadership isn't built on a framework or a communication strategy. It's built on top of something true: every person has value. Not because of their title. Not because of their output. Not because they're easy to be around. Just because they're a person.
Skip that belief, and every leadership tool you use eventually turns into manipulation — a way to get what you want out of people instead of a way to lead them well.
They're Also More Fragile Than They Let On
Here's the second piece, and it's the one that raises the stakes: people aren't just valuable. They're vulnerable.
Everyone you lead is carrying something you don't know about. The employee who seems too sensitive to feedback might be one hard conversation away from a breaking point you can't see. The team member who's short with you in a meeting might be barely holding it together outside of work. People are far less put-together than they let on, and most of them aren't actively working through what they're carrying — they're just hauling it around, exhausted, and showing up anyway.
That doesn't mean you tiptoe around accountability. It means you lead with timing, tone, and intent, because the person in front of you is more fragile than they're willing to show you.
The Gut Check
Two questions worth asking yourself this week:
How do you actually view the people you lead — not how you'd describe it if someone asked, but how you treat them when they're difficult, slow, or wrong?
And do your actions match what you'd say you believe? It's easy to say people matter. It's harder to prove it to the person who's currently frustrating you the most.
If you value people, you'll find a way to add value to them. And, as John Maxwell would tell you, everything else in leadership builds from there.
If you want help building a leadership culture where that shows up in how your team actually operates — not just how it sounds in a values statement — let's talk. Book a free discovery call.
