It’s All About Relationships

When Michelle and I started M2 Leadership Consulting a little over a year ago, we thought we had a decent idea of what we were getting into.

We were wrong.

That’s not false humility. It’s just the truth. I had spent 25 years in federal government before stepping into entrepreneurship, and those two worlds could not be more different. Government tends to move slowly, deliberately, and cautiously. That’s not necessarily bad. We don’t need government to swing wildly every time there’s a new election outcome.

But entrepreneurship is very different. It requires you to move, learn, adjust, experiment, and sometimes make decisions before you feel completely ready.

We knew leadership. We knew people. We knew we wanted to serve. But we didn’t fully appreciate what building a business would require.

Like a lot of people starting something new, we assumed certain things would matter most. We thought the right credentials would open doors. We thought being certified through the Maxwell Leadership program would immediately carry a certain amount of weight. We thought polished one-pagers, good marketing, and professional-looking materials would be major growth drivers.

And to be clear, those things do matter. Competence matters. So do preparation and professionalism. If you are asking people to trust you with their leaders, their team, or their organization, you need to know what you are doing.

But over the past year, something has become increasingly clear: the opportunities that have come our way have been built on relationships.

Relationships Open Doors Because Trust Opens Doors

When we hosted our recent leadership conference, the room was filled largely because of relationships. People showed up because we had shared coffee, lunches, conversations, stories, and time. They knew us, so they trusted us. And they wanted to support us by showing up.

That doesn’t mean marketing didn’t matter. Or that our content didn’t have to be good. Of course we had to prepare and give them a quality experience. But the foundation was relational.

And honestly, that shouldn’t surprise us as much as it sometimes does.

Leadership has always been about people. You can have the title, the position, the certification, the resume, the experience, and the strategy. But if people don’t trust you, your influence will always be limited.

You may get compliance. You may get polite cooperation. You may get people to attend the meeting, sit through the training, or nod along while you talk. But real influence requires trust, and trust grows through relationship.

That’s true in business. It’s true in leadership, families, and friendships. It holds in every meaningful area of life.

Competence Matters, But It’s Not Enough

People want to know whether you are competent, but they also want to know whether you care.

Vanessa Van Edwards teaches that effective communication requires both warmth and competence. And she’s right.

Warmth without competence is not enough. If all you have is likability but no substance, people may enjoy having coffee with you, but they won’t trust you with something important. But competence without warmth falls short too. You can be brilliant, experienced, certified, and technically correct, but if people don’t feel seen, heard, valued, or respected, something will always be missing.

That’s where some leaders miss the boat. They assume expertise is enough.

It’s not.

People aren’t machines. They don’t simply follow the most qualified person in the room. They’re drawn to people they trust. And trust is built in small moments: asking good questions, listening well, remembering what someone told you last time, showing appropriate vulnerability, and demonstrating that you are not just trying to get something from them.

That takes time, and that may be the part we resist most.

There’s No Magic Bullet

We always want the shortcut, don’t we? We want the magic bullet. We want that one credential, one connection, one meeting, one event, or one opportunity that suddenly changes everything.

But most of the time, that’s not how meaningful growth happens.

Relationships are usually built slowly. They’re built through repeated deposits of trust, attention, curiosity, and care. That’s not exciting or glamorous, but it’s how real influence develops.

This has been one of the biggest lessons for us in this season of building M2. The success we have had hasn’t always come from where we expected. In many cases, it has come from simply being us—showing up, meeting people, being curious, listening, and forming genuine relationships in our community.

That doesn’t mean every relationship is easy. Some are not. Some are awkward, strained, one-sided, or complicated. Some need boundaries. Some require repair. Some test your patience. Some require us to stop assuming motives and start asking better questions.

But if a relationship matters, it deserves intentionality.

The Importance of Intentionality

There’s a key relationship word for you: intentionality.

Good relationships don’t always happen accidentally. Sometimes we need to prepare. If you are going to dinner with family or friends, meeting with a potential client, or sitting down with your team, it’s worth asking yourself a few questions before you walk into the room. How can I add value here? What might this person need from me? What do I want to learn about them? What should I ask instead of assuming? How do I want them to feel when the conversation is over?

And here’s the important part. That kind of preparation does not make the interaction fake or contrived. It sets all involved up for success.

One of the things Michelle and I have learned is that curiosity is one of the most underrated leadership skills. Curious leaders ask better questions. They notice more. They listen more carefully. They are less likely to assume they already understand what is going on.

People can feel the difference.

Most people are hungry to be seen and heard. Not impressed. Not managed or fixed. Really seen.

Relationships Require Emotional Intelligence

Of course, there is a balance.

Building relationships doesn’t mean interrogating or oversharing. It doesn’t mean turning every conversation into a therapy session. You want to be careful not to ignore boundaries of propriety or professionalism, or to burden other people with things they were never meant to carry.

Appropriate vulnerability can build trust. Oversharing creates a burden. Complete emotional distance can make you seem unreachable.

This is where emotional intelligence matters.

You have to be self-aware enough to understand how you are showing up. You also have to be socially aware enough to notice how the other person is responding.

Am I talking too much? Am I asking enough? Am I listening, or just waiting for my turn? Am I sharing enough to be human, but not so much that I make the conversation about me? Am I making space for the other person?

These aren’t complicated questions, but they do require introspection and honesty.

And the truth is most of us have room to grow here. I certainly do. And isn’t that really the point?  This is not about pretending we have mastered relationships. None of us have. But I’ve learned enough to know they matter too much to neglect and that I can get better at them by working at it.

For Leaders, Relationships Are the Work

Now here’s something that’s super important. If you are a leader, relationships are not a distraction from your work. They are your work.

If you’re building a business, relationships are not secondary to your strategy. They’re what is going to enable your strategy to succeed or fail.

If you are trying to influence people, develop people, serve people, or lead people, relationships are not optional. They are foundational.

Leadership is not just about having the right answer. It is about earning enough trust that people are willing to walk with you as you find the answers together.

And that starts with relationships.

Final Thoughts

So here’s the question worth sitting with: Are you being intentional about the relationships that matter most?

Not transactional. Not manipulative. Not self-serving. Intentional.

Are you showing up? Are you asking better questions? Are you listening well? Are you making appropriate deposits of trust? Are you giving people a reason to believe that you care about them, not just what they can do for you?

Because in leadership, business, and life, relationships are not everything. But they are connected to everything that matters.