Do You Really Have What It Takes for a Seat at the Table?

Everybody wants a seat at the table.

You know the table we’re talking about. It's the important one — where the decisions get made, where your voice finally counts, where you stop just doing the work and start shaping it. And there's nothing wrong with wanting that. We need people willing to step up and lead.

But here's the question most people skip: what do you actually bring with you when you sit down?

A few years ago, Michelle gave a talk at a leadership summit on exactly this. We dug it back out recently, and it still holds up. Four things. If you're missing one, the seat gets shaky.

1. Humility

Humility isn't thinking less of yourself. It's thinking of yourself less.

That's not the same as being a pushover, and it's not fake modesty either. It's staying open — willing to take in someone else's idea and actually let it change your thinking, instead of just waiting for your turn to talk.

Social media rewards the opposite. The loudest, most certain voice gets the attention. But leading a team isn't a debate stage. It's a sacred responsibility — you're now accountable for other people's work lives and, more than you'd think, their personal lives too.

Once that sinks in, humility stops being a nice idea and starts being obvious. You don't have this all figured out. None of us do.

2. Trust

Think about who you'd actually want at your dinner table. Not just anyone — people you know have your goodwill in their heart.

Trust on a leadership team works the same way. It's built through consistency, integrity, and doing what you said you'd do, especially when it's inconvenient. And it's broken the same way time after time: playing favorites, inconsistent follow-through, bending the rules for people you like and holding the line for people you don't.

If you're leading a department, trust with your team isn't enough. You need it with the other leaders around the table too. Leadership runs in every direction — up, down, and sideways — and you can't accomplish much without it.

3. Wholeness

This one's harder to talk about, but it might matter most.

We all carry wounds — some from big, obvious trauma, and a lot more from the smaller, quieter stuff that shaped us without our noticing. Left untended, that stuff doesn't disappear. It seeps out occasionally. Usually as anger, defensiveness, or being easily offended in situations that don't call for it.

If a light bump to the elbow sends you through the roof, something's wrong with your elbow. Same principle applies to your reactions at work. Strong, disproportionate responses are a signal — not a personality trait to shrug off.

Healing that stuff is uncomfortable. So is growth. If you're feeling discomfort, it might mean you're right on track.

4. Competence

You can be the most trustworthy, humble person in the building and still not be ready to lead if you haven't put in the work to actually get good at something.

The good news: competence is built, not born. Michelle's story is a good example. She started as a temp at a law firm, informed upfront they weren't hiring. She showed up anyway — hardworking, curious, asking questions, learning the database inside and out instead of just doing the minimum. Within two weeks, they made an exception and hired her. Within six months, she was supervising 25 people.

Nobody handed her that seat. She made herself the obvious choice.

The Part Nobody Talks About: Don't Rush It

Speed is the enemy of intimacy — and a seat at the table is an intimate place. It's not for everybody, and it's not something to force your way into.

Bully your way to the table before you're ready, and you'll either realize you don't belong there or, worse, get asked to leave. Wait, prepare, and become the obvious choice instead. When the opportunity comes, it'll be too late to start getting ready. Start now.

The takeaway: A seat at the table isn't a prize for being liked or loud. It's earned through humility, trust, wholeness, and competence — all four, no shortcuts.

If you're aspiring to lead, or you're already there and something feels off, that's usually a sign one of these four is out of balance. Worth a hard look.

If you want help figuring out where you actually stand, book a free discovery call and let's talk it through.