Are You Stuck?

Not too long ago, I felt stuck - like a truck with its tires spinning in the mud. This feeling permeated every aspect of my being: spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, and physically. I found myself reacting in ways I knew were unhealthy and unproductive, trapped in a cycle of complaining and harboring a mindset that had become complacent, apathetic even. My previous hunger for growth had been replaced by a sense of stagnation.

Being a leader, this was a dangerous place to be. When the leader is stuck it creates a lid for all following. Remember,leadership is all about influence. So, if the leader is in a negative, stuck place, the followers are going to be influenced accordingly. I needed to get unstuck quickly! But how? The good news is I found an answer! And it’s simple! The bad news is it’s hard to do. I’ll tell you what it is in a minute, but first allow me to share some background on how we get stuck in the first place.

I love it when I can find the science behind our behaviors. Not too long ago, I became intrigued by the concept of neuroplasticity - the brain's ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections throughout life. Our actions, words, and thoughts shape these neural pathways. The longer we live, the more deeply ingrained these pathways become. Since I am of a certain age, this set off alarm bells.

Imagine these neural pathways as ruts in a road. As traffic (information) flows into your brain, it follows these well-worn paths to conserve energy and protect you. These ruts represent the familiar ways you've always handled and processed information. They feel "safe" because they are known and comfortable.

However, these ruts aren't always beneficial. They can lead to detrimental responses such as negative self-talk, unhealthy eating habits, and a complaining attitude. These behaviors are simply ingrained responses to stimuli like fear, hunger, and stress.

As we age, our neural plasticity decreases, making it harder to change and form new neural pathways. But here's the exciting part: even small changes can create new pathways and enhance our neural plasticity. This increased plasticity offers us more autonomy and allows us to forge new paths instead of being confined to the familiar ruts.

This realization was a game-changer for me. While it didn’t absolve me of the effort required to change, it did mean that my brain could become my ally in this process.

The first step to getting unstuck is acknowledging that we're stuck in harmful patterns of response. This requires self-awareness, which can be challenging because it involves confronting our negative behaviors. However, remembering that our brains can support our efforts to change can be empowering.

Let's revisit my struggle with complaining. I'm a natural worker bee; give me a to-do list, and I'm in my element. I thrive on projects and lists, having been raised in a family that valued hard work and early rising. While these are admirable qualities, I mistakenly equated my self-worth with my productivity. I believed that if I wasn't constantly busy, I was worthless. This led to exhaustion and resentment, as my family didn't always “see” everything I was doing and express gratitude in the way I expected. This fueled my cycle of internal complaining and passive-aggressive behavior.

My turning point came when I read Dr. Nicola LePera's book "How to Do the Work." In it, she explains the concept of neural plasticity and stresses that we have the capacity to change our responses to life's stimuli, regardless of our upbringing, trauma, or habits.

I was tired of my internal turmoil. Outwardly, I appeared to have it all together, but I wasn't living a life that aligned with my God-given talents, skills, and purpose. Instead, I was choosing to complain, often expressing it through passive-aggressive remarks that left me feeling terrible. I decided I wanted to change. I recognized that the problem wasn't other people or life's circumstances; it was my response to them.

Now knowing that I had the ability to change and that my brain would help me, I started small. I paid attention and noted every time I made a passive-aggressive remark. When I did, I owned it, apologized, and analyzed why I said it. I reminded myself that I had the option to choose gratitude or a different perspective, and I did. Gradually, the urge to complain diminished.

This experience showed me that my brain–our brains–are like computers: better inputs lead to better outputs.

So what’s the solution to becoming unstuck? It’s simple but challenging: Do something different. Move, rest, ask for the promotion, read a book, dance in the rain, sing like no one’s listening, smile, go on that adventure you keep putting off, move to another state, call that person that you miss, go a different way home… Do anything different so you can jump the rut and stop limiting yourself to what you’ve always known or done.

Maybe you’re stuck in the exact same way I was, but probably not. But you still might be stuck. What are the signs? It will look different for everyone, but if you’ve stopped dreaming, pursuing, and striving, there’s a good chance you could be stuck. If so, take heart! Your brain is prepared to help you! Take time to do some introspection to determine what you truly want and how you want to feel. Then, decide what you need to change to get it. Then, do the work, make the change, get yourself unstuck, and go be all you can be!